harder than i thought

i've been trying to keep everything in, and everytime something bothers me, i try to get past it. but it somehow keeps coming back to me, like a ghost trying to haunt me.

i dont know what to do anymore, whenever everything is fine, i just feel so loved. but whenever we fight,.. i feel like my life would be better in hell. i just dont understand.. maybe this long distance relationship thing isnt for us. maybe you're meant to be with someone else and not me. maybe we rushed things. maybe im not the one god wanted you to be with. maybe we were never suppose to meet each other. maybe everything was just a lie. maybe you really didnt love me. i dont know. im over thinking.. like always,. but im sorry this is just the type of person i am. i tried. i really tried my best, i just wish you tried too.

if i could go back in time, i would. so i can fix my mistakes and prevent things from happening. this is the only relationship that i really really wanted to work out. i really thought it would. honestly, when you trasfered, i could barely sleep. i was thinking if we would work out. i made myself believe that this would work because i really wanted it to work. but look, life is proving me wrong. who knew life can be such an asshole.

times like these i need my friends the most, but wow, non of them are here. i have no one else in this world to help me get through things, you were the only one i trusted, i even tell you most of the things i do everyday. i knew i could always rely on you. but without you, life is just not worth it. might as well just die.

if i fall asleep, i hope i dont wake up.


FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU LIFE. FUCK EVERYTHING.